So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
