just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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