ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
