Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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