whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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