shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
