I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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