Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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