I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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