I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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