His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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