Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
