So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
