Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
