Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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