Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I will be naked everywhere
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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