I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
