She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
