soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
