I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
