If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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