OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
