I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
