This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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