Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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