you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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