I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
