Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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