dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
