The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
