Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
