i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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