i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
