Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
