I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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