3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
