Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
