this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
