And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
