dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
