ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
