so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
