I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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