I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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