Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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