I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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