We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Say something about gay babies.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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