you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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