I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
