went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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