thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
