her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
